An open adoption means different things to different people, but basically it means getting to know each other. Sometimes it means talking on the phone; sometimes it means meeting; sometimes it means meeting in each others homes. You can help decide what it means to you and your adoptive parent.
A closed adoption is when there is no direct contact between the birthmother and the adopting couple. Most adoptions are neither completely open nor completely closed.
The amount of contact between you and the couple adopting your baby can vary greatly. It all depends on how comfortable you feel with the adoptive couple and how comfortable they feel with you. Here are some of the most common choices:
Before your baby is born:
- No contact at all. Neither party knows who the other party is.
- Phone contact only. In some cases the adopting couple will get an 800 # so that you can call whenever you want. In other cases, weekly calls are scheduled.
- Visits. Some birthmothers and adopting couples want to meet each other before the baby is born or at delivery. They often spend time getting to know each other.
After the adoption is completed:
- No Contact at all.
- Pictures and letters. The couple that adopted your baby will periodically send you photos and a letter updating you of your baby's growth. This can be sent directly to you or through your attorney or agency. Most couples are willing to do this.
- Phone contact. Many couples will allow on going contact via the telephone. Many will keep their 800# for your convenience.
- Visits. Some adopting couples will allow visits once or twice a year. Some families visit back and forth forever and the birth siblings of the adopted child come to visit and stay for summer vacations.
Before the adoption you are in charge of how much contact you have with the adopting couple. After the adoption the adopting couple is in charge. There is no law that says that the adopting couple must let you see your baby after the adoption no matter what you agreed on. It cannot be written into the adoption decree. With this fact in mind, we carefully screen adoptive couples that say they wish to have an open adoption to make sure they are sincere.
You should be aware that not all adoption attorneys and agencies will allow open adoptions. And a few states have specific regulations regarding open adoptions. A Birthmother's Choice always lets you make the choice you feel most comfortable with.
